Whew!!! God is Awesome!! I was about 15 years old when I opened my heart to Jesus. But, I had to learn the hard way. Praise God for his mercy! I went down 23 years of drug addiction, sexual immorality, suicide, divorce, bulimia, stealing.....you name the evil act and I did it. But in my trials, I always had a thing for writing. My poetry was my "out" and I always wrote about Jesus....hmm... you say, -yes, He was with me in the bowels of my hell, but I liked the dark too much and didn't want to look at His face.
Well, I went through my life as out of step as I could get. Rehab after rehab, counselor after counselor, trouble after trouble. Still, didn't want to be in His light, BUT, He stayed with me and sustained me. At about 23 years old, I had emergency surgery and found out I had Crohn's Disease.
That was another blow in my life. I had had it!! Well, after many surgeries and changing doctors, I found new doctors. I had met my husband and gotten married. He got me back into scripture and I loved it, but I was still using drugs. Then, I got pregnant-a miracle of The Lord I have had diseases that led three doctors to tell me that I could NEVER have a baby, but God is the Final Authority.
I stayed straight for my pregnancy. After I delivered my daughter, I got a very bad flare-up of crohns. My doctors over the next 6 years pumped me full of prescription drugs, oxycontin, fentynal, valium. Then they said I was psychotic also. So then I was sent to a psychiatrist, who put me on anti-psychotics, anti-depressents, more valium, sleeping pills, you name it, I took it.
Everyone in my family tried to tell the doctors that I was an addict and the doctors didn't care. How sad. It got to the point, that all I did was take pills and pass out. My bladder shut down, they were going to put a pacemaker on my bladder. Other organs shut down, I was now right around the corner of death.
My only prayers were for God to take me home and take me out of my turmoil. I was nasty, rude, and every other bad way towards everyone. I even told the doctor , when he asked every appointment, about thoughts of killing myself on a scale from 1 to 10. Every appt. the number would go up.... My mother and my husband then put me in a rehab (what a blessing!) and I fought it all the way, I just wanted my dope.
Well, I was discharged from the rehab after a while, and came home and went through delusions and tremors for 6 weeks, I thanked God for this experience, I prayed to Him to help me through this, to remember it, and get through it. Praise God! He brought me through it and let me live to give the Glory to Him!
He returned a lot to me, I had ballooned up from all the pills to over 4o lbs. of my normal weight, I am now my normal weight again, after all the drugs I desecrated my body with, He has let my body function again!! Joel 2:25 "So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten." I was like King Manasseh, (2 Chronicles 33: 11-13) He was the most wicked, evil, long reigning king. He mad God angry. But The Lord put afflictions on him and he humbled himself and turned to God's way! Now I am free!
Psalm 103:10-14 says: " He has not dealt with us according to our sins, Nor punished us according to our iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the earth, SO great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father pities his children, So the Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows are frame; He remembers that we are dust." AMEN! Praise God!
He has lit a fire in my heart to read scripture, pray, praise Him with song, and want to be a witness for Him!!! God's mercy is more than we will ever understand. His mercy and grace we do not deserve, but He loves us so much that He sent his only Son, Jesus Christ, to bear the sins of the world and die for us. What an Awesome expression of love!!! Thank you Jesus!
I always am excited to hear what Jesus has done in your life!