I was baptized as a child and raised in a Christian atmosphere until I was about 8. then it seemed like i just didn't even care anymore. And I really didn't. Anyway, my life was just going downhill all the way after that. my parents fought and fought, my sister and I fought all the time, i started smoking and i did pot occasionally. the only time i ever even thought about church was Christmas and Easter. and that is the only time I ever had to go. My life was falling apart.
At the age of 12, I started feeling very dark and depressed. I was suicidal. I tried to commit suicide around 5 or 6 times. I felt like God didn't care and I turned my back from Him as well. My "friends" ditched me and that just made me more depressed. I started feeling very angry towards them. I despised and loathed them.
After that, I thought to myself, "maybe God isn't real." I started denying my faith at school, which made me feel horrible afterwards. I thought about what Jesus would be saying to me when I said that. I just felt rotten and horrible when I denied Him, but I still refused to repent.
The summer I turned 14, I went on a trip to the Boundry Waters with the boy scout troop from my town. We went canoeing in the boundry waters of Canada and U.S. This was the worst time in my life. At our first portage, I got the pack stuck on my back wrong, and I couldn't carry it all the way. this happened twice. and for those two times, the rest of the two weeks were a living hell for me. they wouldn't drop it. I was hit, punched, and burnt there. I went off by myself so many times and just cried until I was dehydrated. I hated every minute there. I cried so much those two weeks that I think I could have filled the whole Atlantic ocean with my tears. I prayed that God would pull me through, but I still wouldn't repent.
When I got home, I didn't tell my parents because I was afraid they would get mad at me because they would think I wasted their money. I know my parents would never hit me, but I just was afraid they wouldn't love me anymore. But, as it was, I broke down and my mom heard me. She came into my room and I told her everything. After that, I dropped boy scouts. I still haven't gone back. Later that summer, I went to a Christian retreat camp. I thought maybe this retreat would be the answer. I had fun, but I feel like I missed the whole point. After this, I tried going back to church again. I started coming more and more often. I finally broke down to God and repented. I felt so renewed that I just sat for an hour and a half and just let it sink in. I felt so great after that.
But I started to fall away again, and I didn't truly come into Gods arms permanently until just recently. I tried to end my life at age 12 and now at age 14 & 3/4, I have become the most active person in my church. I am sharing the Gospel to people at my school and I am trying to win more souls for Jesus Christ. PRAISE GOD! I also am trying to tell people that when you pray, it doesn't have to be extremely formal. Talk to God like He is your best friend.
I was recently confirmed into my church as well. Now, instead of denying my faith, whenever someone asks me who I am, I can say I am an xtreem disciple of the Living God, Jesus Christ!