When I was little, I believed in God. I didn't understand Him at all, but I still knew He was there. Every night I said my little prayer. When I was eight, my family and I would from time to time attend a little Methodist church out in the middle of nowhere. How coincidental that the only times when they would show up were the times when they would have a pot-luck. It was a very dead church. There was no spirit. I didn't like to go. I thought it was boring. I began to act less and less like a Christian.
At about that time, my sister began to change. She started to have different friends. She told me there was a difference in Witchcraft and Satanism. She had a girl over once. While we were walking in the woods, she told me I was a natural-born witch. This seed led to a road of darkness. I was very excited. I thought I was cool now. I didn't know that the place I was going wasn't very "cool" at all.
Around age 11, I watched a movie called "The Craft." I remembered what the girl said about me being a natural-born witch. I was tantalized. I fell in love with the mystery and "wisdom" that it offered. That was when I became focused on witchcraft. I immediately went to my room, hung a red mystical curtain over my doorway ( I didn't have a door), and constructed what I would soon call an altar. I put a cloth over an old desk and put many candles on it. At night I would turn off all of the lights, light the candles, and try to conjure spirits. I still believed in God and Satan at that point. I began to ask Satan into my life at school in PE when we didn't have anything else to do. For all of the people who think your children are na´ve, you are dead wrong.
In the fifth grade, I found a book at the library about witchcraft. I hid it in my jacket and walked out. I was an extremely sneaky person. I didn't want my parents to know that I was getting interested in the occult. The book was extremely vague. I didn't understand it, but I still liked it and wanted to be involved. I barely understood something about a goddess, nature, and the elements. Still, it was enough for me to have a beginning. Now that I think back on it, witchcraft is so much similar to groups like the Jehovah's Witnesses, the Mormons, or the Catholics; no structure or foundation. They changed their religion to please themselves instead of changing themselves to please God.
My darkness grew as I began casting spells, invoking spirits, and trying to form covens. I told many people that I was a witch. I had a coven of four fifth-graders gathering together at my house to do spells and chant. That would put many Christians to shame today: an 11 or 12-year old child recruiting witches while they were just sitting there, keeping their pew warm.
In the sixth or seventh grade I learned about a witchcraft shop in town. My sister took me to it. I soaked everything in. I saved up for a book I found in that shop, and even got a pack of Tarot cards for my birthday. The book was "To Ride a Silver Broomstick" by Silver RavenWolf. I began to learn more and more about "wicca". I learned that there was a god stuck in there somewhere to go along with the goddess, and they were complementary to each other (although the female was inevitably stronger, which is just another way that satan used to contradict the bible). I learned all of these rules concerning time of day, month, and year to do spells; what color candles to use, what kind of incense, all of the symbols and every piece of mumbo-jumbo I needed to perform a spell, (which they said was just a prayer involving props).
I was also very cynical towards Christians. The witchcraft books talk a great deal about Christianity. They didn't believe in it, but they sure were obsessed with discrediting it. They said all of the things Christians did that were wrong. They put all sorts of Bible verses out of context. They constantly questioned the judgement of God (ie: would a just God do that?) They also taught that all positive religions were good for you and helped in the karmic cycle. Silver RavenWolf said that if you imagine a huge diamond with millions of facets on it and wicca as the top facet (which is the biggest and the most important, of course they were trying to be the most correct way), then that was what the world religions were like. You could believe in anything and it will basically work, excluding Christianity. The Bible says that the cross offends.
I understand so much now as to why we targeted and focused so much on discrediting Christianity. We were taught the evil of monotheism, or in other words Christianity. Islam was never attacked, even though it focused on violent force and the belief in one God. Judaism was rarely ever talked about. In fact, I didn't even know the link between Jews and Christians until after I got saved. But that is coming up soon.
I searched so hard for spirituality. I wanted power. I poured over those books looking for peace. My head was filled with an endless supply of meaningless "wisdom." I thought I had it all.
In the ninth grade I began looking towards drugs and alcohol. I started with little things at first. I thank God that I never got involved too heavily. It was just marijuana, pills, and alcohol. I did, however, get addicted to other things. I began to read books by Anne Rice. It soon became an obsession; an addiction. I read the books over and over, and fantasized about characters from the books. It became almost a reality. I began to have vampiric dreams. I wanted to become a vampire. The romance and mystery had me hooked.
I sank lower and lower. I craved spirituality, and I tried to fill up my life with things that made me temporarily happy. But they say it is darkest right before dawn. In August, right before tenth grade was to start, I was invited to a church from a God send. I'll call her Bonnie. She was the only Christian I had ever respected in my life. Even though I was mostly brain washed into thinking Christians were stuffy, hypocritical people, they could never change my mind about Bonnie. She was wise, spiritual, and very loving. That is what got to me. She always loved me. She worked with my mom before I was born. All of my life, she was there. That is why I accepted her invitation to go to church.
On that first time that I went to church, I had bleached blond hair, wore camoflauge pants and shirt, and boots. I got in that building, and it just had such a wonderful feeling. The place oozed with love and acceptance. From that moment on, my philosophy began to change. I knelt at the altar at the end of the service to pray to my goddess and god, but they seemed insignificant. I knew God was real, and he was there. Within the next two or three weeks, I accepted Jesus into my heart as my personal Lord and Saviour. He has worked on me and molded me into the person I am today. That was one year ago. I am seventeen years old now. This has been the most wonderful year of my life. I have been changed from the inside out. Since then, God has recently made me into an intercessor.
I have faced many trials and tribulations, but I have one thing now that I searched for and grasped at for five years: peace. God has freely given to me the things that I once wanted so badly but never could get without being in his will. If you aren't a Christian, I urge to become so. It is the most amazing thing you will ever do in your life. You will have peace, hope, and love. But most importantly, you'll have a saviour named Jesus.